Desperate Addict's Parade: Page 9
If desperate, might a cigarette atop a public urinal look tempting?
As suggested by OBob on Page 1, how can we journey from point A to point B without knowing where we now stand? It's entirely normal to minimize and rationalize smoking, vaping or oral nicotine use. Flooded with sobering realities, these pages are filled with the truth about who we each became, real drug addicts in every sense.
If so inclined, email us adding your own personal "Have you ever ..." experience. Together, just one recovering addict at a time, yes we can!
Here's my "Have you ever ... I have. I'm an addict" experience
#201 | 13 Aug 2006 | Skylark0
Have you ever been hospitalised for double Pneumonia, sworn blind you would never, ever in a million years smoke again if you could only be able to draw one deep breath, miraculously recovered and been discharged having faithfully promised the doctors and nurses who cared for you that you would never smoke again (and meant it) only to ask your husband to walk you outside the minute you got home so you could smoke a cigarette? I have....
Have you ever bought 4 packets if cigarettes in a day smoking just one from each and tearing the rest up as you desparately battle to keep a doomed quit? I have....
Have you ever walked hand in hand with the man of your dreams in the hills on a wonderful Spring day, coughed with the slight exertion only to discover to your horror a glob of phlegm has escaped with the cough and is now sitting on your palm waiting for you to deal with it and/or explain.... I have...
Dear me. Why do we put ourselves through it? No more!
Amanda xxx
#202 | 24 Sep 2006 | AussieJo7
Have you ever smoked openly throughout each of your pregnancies? I have! I'm an addict!
Have you ever smoked while breast-feeding your babies? I have! I'm an addict!
Have you ever:
- gone through the trash looking for smokable butts?
- smoked while riding a motor-bike, with a passenger behind, because you thought it was "cool"?
- singed your face while trying to light a cigarette from the hot-plate on the stove?
- poked a large knittting needle lengthwise through the filter of a "light" cigarette so you could inhale the tobacco better?
I have! I'm an addict!
We are all different people but in terms of our common addiction we are all so alike.
This thread makes me laugh, makes me cry, makes me so grateful that I found this place and regained control of my life.
Jo ~ free from my addiction to nicotine for 4 Months, 5 Days, (128 days). I have saved $1,388.10 by not smoking 3,470 cigarettes. I have saved 1 Week, 5 Days, 1 hour and 10 minutes of my life.
#203 | 24 Sep 2006 | TJKee
Have you ever:
Rushed through a meal that you'd been dying to eat, just to get to the cigarette that you were now dying to smoke?
I have, I'm an addict.
Have you ever:
;
Singed your eyelashes while trying to light a stubbed out cigarette b/c all the stores within a reasonable walking distance were closed and you couldn't buy a pack?
I have, I'm an addict.
But, thankfully, I'm an addict who's been nicotine free for 2 Weeks, 2 Days, 10 hours, 17 minutes and 18 seconds (16 days).
#204 | 24 Sep 2006 | liz6205
This one makes me sad....
I can relate to just about all of them and I really don't like to admit that......
I am an addict too........ And I will Never Take Another Puff!
Thank you to everyone who confessed to the things I used to do too.
Liz
One week, five days, 39 minutes and 35 seconds. 240 cigarettes not smoked, saving $45.10. Life saved: 20 hours, 0 minutes.
#205 | 24 Sep 2006 | freeme5
Have you ever called your husband home from work just to bring you two cigarettes, which you smoke in the first hour you have them & you still have four more hours until your husband comes home. (you have no car.)
I have, because I am an addict...
Have you ever smoked a butt that has been sitting on the ground for a few months not sure if it is one of yours or not, & not caring if it is a strangers.
I have, because I am an addict...
The digging in the garbage is truly my favorite memory, because it plays a serious role in the reasoning of my quit. How disgusting is it to find a decent butt that is stuck on day old coffee grounds, mixed in with baby wipes from a possible poopy diaper. Not caring, only excited because it is smokeable!! YUCK!!!!!!
I have, because I am an addict. (that is just unheard of now.)
Dondi-I have been quit for 3 Months, 2 Days, 12 hours, 40 minutes and 36 seconds (94 days). I have saved $216.27 by not smoking 1,228 cigarettes. I have saved 4 Days, 6 hours and 20 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 6/21/2006 8:00 AM
#206 | 4 Jan 2007 | OBob Gold
Welcome new quitters! By taking on the challenge of your first 3 nicotine-free days, you've taken an enormous first step on your road to freedom from a deadly and demanding addiction.
Understanding the nature of this addiction, and the hoops through which it makes us jump is key to enabling yourself to continue down this path. It's convenient, as a smoker, to fall back on the perspective that you're simply enjoying a legal, and somewhat socially acceptable vice;
"I'm not like one of those heroin junkies, coke addicts, or speed freaks. I smoke because I enjoy it."
Consider for a moment the lengths you might have gone to in your jonesingest moment to get your fix had cigarettes NOT been legal. Would that have stopped you? Are you sure?
Think back on the times in your life when a nicotine fix, despite being legal, suddenly became difficult to obtain. Or to some really inappropriate time when your craves took control of you, and made you do something obscene to get your dose.
Are you an "addict"? Does that word bother you? To what lengths have you gone to get your dose when the dose wasn't handy or appropriate?
There are [205] posts in this thread. [You can use the links at the bottom of each page] to navigate through them. Read about what some other members have done to get their nicotine. Do you relate to their stories? Do you have your own story you want to get out there?
Understanding that this IS an addiction, and not simply a "vice" or a "habit" is absolutely fundamental to your ability to continue making the decision to not take that next puff.
I still get emotional when I read through the replies to this thread. For me, it is a terrifying reminder of the dark place I was in when I was actively using nicotine, and of my gratefullness for having freed myself of it.
For you, the recent quitter, in the midst of the first week (or the first month, or first 3 months...), I hope it will serve as an eye-opener to how much of a grip nicotine has held over you. And, with those eyes opened, I hope the path ahead becomes clearer for you; the path that is lined with signs that all say the same thing: "Don't take that next puff."
Please feel free to add your own stories. You may find it to be difficult or even frightening to put those experiences out there in front of yourself and others, but I think you'll also find that pressing that "Send Message" button may be liberating experience.
Bob (4 years, 11 months, 30 days free)
#207 | 5 Jan 2007 | Jeff S 1966
Have you ever had wisdom teeth pulled, and even though the dentist warns you not to smoke, you still do, creating a suction in your mouth that pulls the healing blood clot out and gives you very painful dry socket? I have, because I'm an addict. Threw my smokes out cause I was so mad at myself about it, 1 1/2 days later, bought a new pack.
This is a really good thread. I see myself in a lot of these posts, getting a fix from a butt out of the trash, giving up family or other events because I couldn't smoke, standing in the rain like a fool, and living with barely money for food or gas some weeks because the carton of cigarettes was more important. Because I'm an addict.
Jeff - 1 month, 1 week +
#208 | 5 Jan 2007 | pchudda
Have you ever accused a loved one of not caring about you because they forgot to pick you up a pack of cigarettes on their way home from work?
Was this the same person who cooked you chicken soup when you were sick; rubbed your back when you couldn't sleep; consoled you when you had family problems; understood when you needed to loan money to a friend; let you sit around and watch football for 12 hours straight on sundays; didn't complain when you had to work 90 hours in one week?
I have and I am ashamed....
#209 | 5 Jan 2007 | VICKIGOLD2006
Great and frightening thread Bob...what we would do for our addiction!!
Have you ever had leukoplakia scrapped from your vocal cords? Then been told not to smoke, but if I had to, not for at least a week and then lit up that very same evening? I have. I am an addict.
However, I am in remission from nicotine today and it just feels sooooooooooooooooo much better than using!!
VICKI - Free and Healing for Five Months, Two Days, 21 Hours and 12 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 10 Days and 19 Hours, by avoiding the use of 3118 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $705.99.
#210 | 6 Jan 2007 | Faith13
Have you ever been babysitting for your 6 month old neice and you decided you could not take the withdrawal anymore so you run outside and have a quick smoke while she sleeps but your neice wakes up and begins crying and screaming and you still smoke the cigarette as quickly as you can before going back in and holding her?
I have! I'm an addict! ...remembering this literally brings tears to my eyes and i am so ashamed.
I have been nic free for 3 months.
#211 | 12 Jan 2007 | Joe D0
Have you ever tried to light a cigarette in the wind using a paper match and have the whole pack of matches ignite burning your hand so severly as to need medical attention? I have, I'm an ADDICT. I disregarded the pain walked to a pharmacy and what do you think I bought? balm for my burn? NO, a cigarette lighter because I AM AN ADDICT.
Joe Do- Free and Healing for Four Months, Twenty Eight Days, 5 Hours and 44 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 20 Days and 20 Hours, by avoiding the use of 6010 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $1,511.71.
#212 | 13 Jan 2007 | Just Hannes
Did you ever let the dog out for the third time that night?
Did your wife ask you why?
Did you respond that you have so much energy since your quit?
Did you smoke 3 sigs on the road with your dog and chewed 10 chewing gums before getting home to get a fresh breath?
The patch and the nicotine chewing gum wasn't enough.
Did your wife also cry when she discovered the truth?
Hannes
#213 | 13 Jan 2007 | come clean
On my own first diary post I put some of these up, not knowing such a string existed because I had to own up to my own shame at these behaviors. I'll add a couple more here I hadn't thought about until reading...
Have you ever told someone who never smoked you only smoke 9 a day (lied...more like 12), received a horrified facial response from them, and rationalized that they just don't know that is not so bad because they don't smoke?
Have you ever purchased organic shampoo, conditioner, soap, cleaning products, food, and looked into how safe your local tap water was all in an effort to get rid of excess chemicals, and yet continued to pollute the number one detoxifying sytem in your body with 3000+ chemicals on a daily basis?
Have you ever watched yourself smoke an entire cigarette in the mirror in an effort to "see" what you were doing to yourself unconsciously all the time?
Have you ever understood to some extent why/how someone could turn into an alcoholic, self-cutter, bulimic, over-eater, sex addict or drug addict, because you understand what it is like to chase a serotonin high, and you recognize that your path of choice was nicotine?
I have because I'm was an irrational, self-deceiving addict. Now I'm a see the truth addict.
Alex
I have been quit for 1 Month, 4 Days, 3 hours, 32 minutes and 4 seconds (35 days). I have saved $114.22 by not smoking 456 cigarettes. I have saved 1 Day and 14 hours of my life. My Quit Date: 12/08/2006 09:00 p.m.
#214 | 1 Mar 2007 | John (Gold)
Inmates at no-smoking prison trade hostage for cigarettes
February 28, 2007
JOHNSON CITY, Tennessee (AP) -- Two inmates housed in a smoke-free prison traded a hostage for cigarettes after a six-hour standoff.
Billy Grubb, 32, and Bradley Johnson, 25, attacked the guard Monday night, said Howard Carlton, warden of the Northeast Correctional Complex.
"As the night progressed they started saying, 'Look, we'll give up if you let us have some tobacco. If you do that, we'll go back to our cell,"' Carlton said. "They got them some cigarettes, they smoked them and went back to their cell and locked themselves back in."
An investigation into how the inmates got out of their cell and their motive for attacking the guard continued Wednesday. Both are in prison for murder.
Prisons across the state are instituting no-smoking policies after the Legislature passed a law banning smoking in state buildings.
Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.
#215 | 14 Mar 2007 | whiteknucklinnewbie
I have a really gross one to admit.
I once took a bunch of butts out of the trash can and carefully (with shaking hands) emptied them of tobacco. Then I took some tissue from a shoe box and rolled a cigarette. That's not the classy and cool look I was going for when I started smoking.
---
2w 5d 17:49 smoke-free, 392 cigs not smoked, $49.59 saved, 1d 8:40 life saved
#216 | 15 Mar 2007 | Ashley576
Try this one... I went to a water park with my family (an all day affair). After setting our stuff up on the beach, my five-year-old and I waded into the wave machine pool. Of course I had a pack (just opened) in my pocket. After the first wave above the waist, I knew my cigs were soaked.
The park did not sell cigarettes!!!!! ... so I carefully took out the 18 clorine soaked cigs and laid them on a towel to let them dry in the hot sun. My wife could not believe I was doing this and I got a lot of funny looks from people passing by. The cigs were falling apart and looked pretty gross. But, I was bound and determined to smoke those awful things.
That is an addict..
Scott
11 days quit, 220 cigs not smoked, $39.27 saved. Going green real soon!
#217 | 22 Mar 2007 | ScottA0
Have you ever tried to light a cig and realized you already had one lit? I have I'm a nicotine addict.
Scott I have been quit for 2 Weeks, 1 Day, 10 hours, 52 minutes and 21 seconds (15 days). I have saved $91.94 by not smoking 540 cigarettes. I have saved 1 Day and 21 hours of my life. My Quit Date: 3/6/2007 11:45 PM
#218 | 17 May 2007 | Bobbe130
Have you ever grieved over the death of a person you loved like your own life and a year after their death, broken a 20-year quit to smoke a cigarette in their memory on New Year's Eve, then smoked for the next 7 years? I pray you haven't, but I have. I'm a nicotine addict. Thank you my dear recovering fellow addicts. Bobbe
Quit with the help of this site and a power far greater than myself for Twenty Four Days and 38 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 2 Days and 2 Hours, by avoiding the use of 601 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $120.25.
#219 | 6 July 2007 | Ashley576
Have you ever... jumped into water with an almost full pack of cigarettes in your pocket and proceed to lay out all 18-19 soaked cigarettes on a towel to dry because the water park did sell any. I did and alot of people walked by thinking this guy is crazy. Which I was!!!!!
NTAP
Scott
Free for 4 months and 2 days.
#220 | 12 July 2007 | Gump19690
Alright...I have put it off long enough. Anybody and everybody who has spent time here needs to eventually break down and spill it. Give it up.... as we have all been there.
I'm gonna rewrite the string just a bit....and say: "Whats the most expensive smoke you ever had?" Well for me...the worlds biggest closet smoker: unable/unwilling to smoke in front of those who I hid it from here goes.
2 years ago, my family was invited on a long distance trip to Disney with the inlaws....all expenses paid that included a long drive. Being the addict I was, no way I could withstand the 20 hour drive with inlaws, who didnt know I smoked....or at least never let on they knew. I couldnt decline for family reasons, but had a huge problem as you can imagine. 20 hour trip without escaping for nicotine which was way beyond my comfort level. The only way out was: Purchase 6 roundtrip plane tickets for everybody so the intervals between fixes was shorter and bearable.
So my question to you is this? Have you ever smoked a $3000.00 cigarette? I have and it was worth every penny at the moment, hence one more reason I quit. 1= all, no going back. Give me my 3000$ back cause today its a non issue. Those days are long gone....Thank goodness.
#221 | 12 July 2007 | katsrule8
This is a bad one - Years ago we had our very first brand new lounge suite delivered, that afternoon I dropped a cigarette on it and burnt a hole in it, I was so upset as it cost a fair bit, and we had saved to get it - rang the store and told them it had arrived like that, they replaced it and said they would investigate the delivery drivers..........
What a shameful addiction
Suzie
289 days of living clean
#222 | 20 July 2007 | FZ6SPORTBIKERIDER
Have you ever done this? When I was in Jr. high, I was already a nicotine addict. I stole money from the church collection basket for orphans to buy ciggarettes. I am a nicotine addict.
#223 | 20 July 2007 | lfrogger
Have you ever: I excused myself from the table at a resturant to go outside for a nicotine feeding, thought I put it out when I was done (even dosed the butt with water), threw it the trash can, got back in side & sat back down at the table thinking I felt better. But then to my horror, I glanced out the window towards where that trash can was to see wait staff running out a smoking trash can with fire extiguishers! I about had a heart attack! Then I wanted to leave the resturant & meal we were eating to go home and console myself with a smoke!....dang the non smoking restrictions anyway...this wouldnt have happened if I could still smoke in a resturant. Definately Junkie thinking cause I am an addict.
Lou
1 month, 1 day
Declined 1248 nicotine feedings
Invested $218 in freedom, rather than torched with the flick of my bic
#224 | 21 July 2007 | kysbrlady
This isn't something I did but something I saw yesterday morning. I have to be at work at 6:00am. I stopped at a 24 hour store on my way. The sun was just barely up at that time. I noticed a woman in the parking lot bending over and picking something up. Then I saw her put it to her mouth and light it. She was scavaging for cigarette butts! How sad! When I came out of the store she was still out there picking up butts and lighting them.
If that doesn't illustrate just how addictive nicotine is I don't know what will. I am so grateful that I am finally free from the horrible need to feed my body nicotine. I never was desperate enough to do something like this woman did but I remember looking in ashtrays (my own) and in my car, and under my furniture, etc, etc.
Kathy - I have been quit for 1 Year, 3 Months, 3 Weeks, 2 Days, 13 hours, 9 minutes and 20 seconds (479 days). I have saved $2,253.87 by not smoking 19,181 cigarettes. I have saved 2 Months, 5 Days, 14 hours and 25 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 03/28/2006 6:00 AM
#225 | 24 July 2007 | shaz376
Back when I was still a smoker...
I came out of a shop in town to see a child, about 10-12 years old, picking a discarded cig butt off the floor and lighting it. That horrified me, even though I was still smoking at that point. It was like a smack in the face with the effects of additction that I was still hooked on.
Sharon - Free and Healing for Twenty Three Days, 21 Hours and 48 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 1 Day and 15 Hours, by avoiding the use of 478 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me £118.71.
Knowledge is a Quitting Method
