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Desperate Addict's Parade: Page 8

Desperate nicotine addict's parade: Have you ever ... ?

If desperate, might a cigarette atop a public urinal look tempting?

As suggested by OBob on Page 1, how can we journey from point A to point B without knowing where we now stand? It's entirely normal to minimize and rationalize smoking, vaping or oral nicotine use. Flooded with sobering realities, these pages are filled with the truth about who we each became, real drug addicts in every sense.

If so inclined, email us adding your own personal "Have you ever ..." experience. Together, just one recovering addict at a time, yes we can!

Here's my "Have you ever ... I have. I'm an addict" experience

#176 | 24 Dec 2005 | Laurengela

Have you ever put water over you pack of smokes to help you quit smoking. I put water over them and then threw them in the trash. A few hours later, craving a smoke, I fished through the trash, found the smokes drenched in water and took one out and put it in the microwave. Smoked it and continued smoking. I'm an addict.

#177 | 9 Jan 2006 | julez4you

Have you ever hung your head outside a window in a non-smoking hotel window to take a few drags while your unsuspecting family down the hall gets dressed for your Grandfather's funeral...

I have. I'm an addict.

Have you ever dropped a cigarette on your sweatshirt while driving your Dad's company car to school and had to dangerously speed up to find a drive way to pull in to so that you could put out the plume of smoke now rising from abdomen?

I have. I'm an addict.

I'm sure I could think of many, many more. But these are a couple of those "ashamed" moments that popped in to my head.

-Julie (6 days free and counting)

#178 | 15 Jan 2006 | melissablon78

Have you ever picked other people's cigarette butts off the street or from a public ashtray and smoked them? -I have em crooked

Have you ever smoked after having your wisdom teeth pulled, and being warned by the dentist not too?-I haveem disgust

Have you ever intentionally picked a fight with someone who loves you just so you could get away to smoke? - I have.em sad

Have you ever ran out of gas in your car because you only had $5.00 and would rather buy a pack of cigarettes than fill up? -I have.em cry

I have done all these, and many more pathetic things just to get a fix. This is why I have decided NTAP!
em love
Melissa

#179 | 18 Jan 2006 | FoolishWorkinj

In my addiction, I sent a cab to bring me a carton of cigarettes when I first got home after childbirth and couldn't leave the house because of my baby. I have gone out a four in the morning to buy cigarettes in a snow storm, and I'm afraid of driving in the snow. I have smoked butts, spent hours searching for a light, and then used the toaster oven when I couldn't find one. Many more sad embarrassing stories like this. But not now. Now I don't smoke and won't, and I'm working it and its working as long as I NTAP

#180 | 25 Jan 2006 | Aprilangel1951

What a great parade and reminder of how strong this addiction of ours is and to what lengths we have gone to feed it!
Have you ever told your parents you needed money for rent and used it to buy cigs?
Have you ever walked 8 blocks at 2 AM in a blizzard with the temp. 55 below with wind chill so you could buy your smokes?
Have you ever taken change out of your kids piggy banks to buy smokes when you were broke?
Have you ever dug through dumpsters looking for cans and bottles to return for the deposit so you could buy cigs?
All this I have done and much more! I am an addict.
But never again!!! I have vowed to NTAP!
Carolem rose
Free and Healing for 24 days!

#181 | 2 Feb 2006 | Em B 12106

I am ashamed and horrified to admit that I smoked while nursing my newborn baby. Not only was she getting all of the nasties of a cigarette through my breast milk, but all of the nasties of secondhand smoke from my lit cigarette too. Thank God I never dropped an ash on her! I also opened my hospital window and smoked in FEBRUARY with my other newborn baby rooming in and freezing. I actually packed air freshener so I could smoke and "get away with it" - the nurses knew exactly what was up, but I kept doing it; no shame then at all.

That's something that just blows me away now when I consider it... how as a smoker I had absolutely no shame to speak of. And no consideration for others what-so-ever when it came to my smoking; I smoked in several non-smoking hotel rooms and used cups with water for my ashtray. I can't count the number of times my older children watched me dig through the trash looking for butts when I'd either run out of money for a new pack or it was too late and the store was closed.

I've actually gone without a car for almost 3 years because I live on disability and can't afford a new car AND cigarettes. I didn't get my last car out of a tow yard (after allowing a friend to borrow it and they were pulled over and my car towed) because if I had, then I'd have no money for cigarettes.

I drove drunk to buy cigarettes and had a car accident which caused me to lose my license and now have to file bankruptcy to get it back because the owner of the other vehicle sued me for damages and until it's paid or claimed I'm blocked from getting my license.

All of these things are very hard to admit, but I'm doing it because I'm hoping that someone else reading this who either hasn't quit or has but hasn't joined our group will realise the dispicable things we as addicts are capable of for a fix.

Nicotine addiction is for real. The ability to quit is also very real.

I am em thumbs upproudlyem thumbs up rid of nicotine through any sort of delivery device for 2 weeks, two days, 12 hours, 44 minutes and 10 seconds. 247 cigarettes not smoked, saving $52.57. I have restored 20 hours, 35 minutes of my precious life. I give this gift to not only myself, but to all who know and love me.em gift
Humbly,

Em

#182 | 7 Feb 2006 | Purdie2006 Gold1

Have you ever put your pack of cigarettes under water, thrown them away (to quit), only to dig them out of the trash later, then dried them out in the oven?

Have you ever done this a second time, forgot it was in the oven and smoked up the entire house?

Have you ever stolen the alumium can collection from your college dorm, to cash in the cans to get money for smokes?

Have you ever dropped your lit cigarette in your lap while driving, went off the road and had your side mirror ripped off by a utility pole?

I have done all these plus another 100 already on this parade. I am a nicotine addict.em embarrassed

Meg
1 Month, 3 Days Free

#183 | 14 Feb 2006 | anhef

Sadly, I have to say, I have, I'm an addict to most of the above...
Worse yet, have you ever interrupted a romantic interlude with someone you really, really cared about to take a "cigarette break"???
I have, I'm an addict who just has to retake control of my own life.
One day at a time...only 4 days in so far..but it has to start somewhere.

Annie

#184 | 14 Feb 2006 | KatieDidIt1999

Have you ever picked up a cigarette butt out of your backyard only to find it was broken at the filter.....placed your finger over the hole and inhaled as hard as you could? I did that the second day of one of my quits last year....guess the patch just wasn't enough em embarrassed.
Kat
For 1 Month, 1 Week, 3 Days, 11 hours and 5 minutes (41 days). I have saved $186.57 by not smoking 1,243 cigarettes. I have not stood freezing or frying in the elements for 4 Days, 7 hours and 35 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 1/3/2006 7:30 AM

#185 | 9 Mar 2006 | nancy999

Oh My goodness. Yes, yes, this addict has done these disgusting things - (including the bushes). It feels good to confess. I thought it was bad just counting them every night to make SURE I had enough for the morning. If not, no matter what the weather I'd get out of my jammies and go to the store. Additionally - The good news is that I recognized all these actions as sign of the addict. I did my best to make sure these weren't available to me in the first 72 hours. I gave my car keys, credit cards and money to my kids/hubby. I literally drove all butts I could find to a trash bin far away. I will NOT EVER fall victim to these temptations again.

Nancy NTAP One week, five days, 14 minutes and 59 seconds. 300 cigarettes not smoked, saving $72.66. Life saved: 1 day, 1 hour, 0 minutes.

#186 | 10 Mar 2006 | ChessieSmile

Once I found myself awake and no smokes about 2 in the morning, and of course had to drive to the store, WHAT ELSE! ha

I take off for town which is 10 miles away in an OLD sleeping Tshirt, and Troys LARGE sweats I threw on underneath, no bra, hair all over the place, Just NEEDING a smoke.

Anyway, almost to the store, I see a strange blue light in my back window, I glance down, I am doing around 70mph in a 55, JONESING FOR A SMOKE, and you guessed it, I am being pulled over!

All I could think was, man I am sooooo glad they can't SEE what I look like,! I hoped they would hurry, give me my ticket so I could go get a SMOKE!

The policeman comes back to the window,after his License check thing, and says
"Ms. Reeves, there is a warrart out for you, your going to have to follow us to the station. " WHAT?
I knew i hadn't done anything THAT wrong, but I had to go with these two handsome young cops ( remember, I am partially in my jammies, part Troys, hair looking just marv......)and then sit in the lobby part of our local jail,for almost an hour while the computer looked for my "crime" in the middle of the night..and the worst of it was, I STILL DIDN'T HAVE A CIGARETTE!

It turned out I had forgotten to pay a $35 ticket for a broken boat trailor light a couple years back.......
The cops didn't even give me a speeding ticket for that night, had pity I guess.

ANYWAY, after Troy brought $250 (which is what the unpaid traffic fine was up to by that point) It's now about 4am and I I finally get to leave, and of course hit the cig store FIRST thing.........GOOD GRIEF

Susan

#187 | 11 Mar 2006 | Kristie

All of the above. (Dried my wet cigarettes with a hair dryer) And....

Charged cigarettes on a credit card. (Wonder how much those packs cost with interest?)

Plus many more disgusting and costly things.

Kristie - Free and Healing for Twenty One Days, 18 Hours and 38 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 1 Day and 12 Hours, by avoiding the use of 436 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $70.62.

#188 | 12 Mar 2006 | andypdq

Have you ever run out of smokes late at night, gone out into the street on a butt hunt, brought a load into the house, broken them all up and rolled them up into a big fat smoke, because you had some cigarette papers in the house?. So much more civilised than having one draw off each butt. I have, I'm an addict.
If you're really lucky you may find a cigar butt, roll that in, for that added touch of luxury and class.

Andy
Two weeks, one day, 22 hours, 59 minutes and 22 seconds. 239 cigarettes not smoked, saving £14.36. Life saved: 19 hours, 55 minutes.

#189 | 12 Mar 2006 | LoriC39

Oh wow, I have done so many of these. Including these embarrassing tidbits:
~Lori

#190 | 14 Mar 2006 | Ambigrammatique

Taken straight from my 1st post :

- Remember when you stole money, all those years, from your mother, your sister, your roommates, your friends, whenever you were broke, just to get your fix?

- Remember when you would steal either a cigarette here and there from friends, a pack from Mom, ripping her carton just so in a way she wouldn't notice there was one missing?

- Remember when you would buy cigarettes instead of food and starve yourself thinking cigarettes would make the stomach pains less important? Even though you had to buy food for not only you but for your sister?

- Remember when you would go out to bars and order a glass of water just so you could 'run into' the regulars who smoked and bum one off of them?

- Remember when you would rather owe your taxi driver money for a lift rather than take the subway, for which you already had a pass and would have cost you nothing, just so you could bum a cigarette from him?

I did all of these, and many more disgusting horrible things because I am a nicotine junkie.

When I look in the mirror I know I am Rachelle and I know I am a nicotine junkie.
I have beat the nicotine out of my life for Three Days, 18 Hours and 6 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 6 Hours, by not inhaling 75 cancer sticks that would have cost me $22.53.

#191 | 26 Mar 2006 | Karmais1

Have you ever gone through the labour of your first child (about 36 hours worth) simply focused on when it will be OVER so you can have a smoke without feeling guilty? I have.

#192 | 22 Apr 2006 | John (Gold)

Guards fall ill as inmates puff on nicotine patches
Linda Slobodian, Calgary Herald, April 12, 2006

CALGARY - Innovative inmates craving tobacco are smoking nicotine patches despite a smoking ban in Alberta jails and guards say the fumes are making them sick.
When tobacco was banished from correctional facilities 19 months ago, prisoners started making homemade cigarettes from Nicoderm patches, according to documents obtained by the Calgary Herald.
The recipe, recorded in Alberta Correctional Service documents, is simple.
Peel the adhesive nicotine strip from the patch, boil in water, place toilet paper in solution and stir. Dry, add small pieces of hardened orange peels if desired, then roll in paper ripped out of Bibles.
No matches? No problem.
Inmates light up with sparks from tubes on fluorescent lights or electrical outlets by turning two pieces of wire or lead from pencils into prongs, or by using wicks made from toilet paper.
Sometimes retail lighters are "suitcased'' into jail they're smuggled in by concealing them in a body cavity.
"The smoking ban has created brand-new problems we didn't anticipate and plan for,'' said Dan MacLennan, president of the Alberta Union of Provincial Employees.
Inmates have suffered burns and injuries from electric shock, there's a constant fire hazard from the smoldering toilet paper wicks, and 21 corrections officers are on sick leave or workers' compensation because of contaminants from the patch cigarettes.
Breathing problems have started to affect one guard so badly his doctor placed him on two inhalers, says a Nov. 15 internal report.
AUPE has appealed for a complete ban of Nicoderm patches in all Alberta jails. The patches replaced cigarettes when smoking was banned in October 2004.
The issue is under review, said Annette Bidniak, spokeswoman for the Solicitor General's office.
Bidniak echoed the safety concerns.
"A year and a half ago, at the start of the smoking ban, a few inmates received shocks when they tampered with the light switches,'' she said.
A chemical analysis of the nicoderm cigarettes requested by corrections officers at the Edmonton Remand Centre showed high levels of 18 chemicals, including:
- Acetone, which can cause liver damage; irritation to eyes, nose, throat and lungs; and cause headaches, nausea and confusion;
- Benzene, which is highly flammable and in high doses can cause depression, tremors, convulsions and death;
- Furan, which may be fatal if swallowed, inhaled or absorbed through the skin;
- Methylfuran, which in large doses or extended exposure can irreparably damage lungs;
- Methylpentane, which can cause headaches, feelings of intoxication, unconsciousness, even coma.
Patches are available in the prison canteen at the regular market price, which hovers around $30 for a week's supply of seven. Prisoners are limited to a week's worth and inmates who don't smoke are strong-armed into buying patches for other inmates.
Cut-up patches sell for $5 a quarter on the prison black market.

Copyright Calgary Herald: © CanCalgary Herald 2006

#193 | 11 May 2006 | 4Taylor

Have you ever:

burned your hair on the stove because you needed to light your cig and couldn't find a light?

stole from your childs piggy bank for cig money?

scraped together loose tobacco from your purse to make your own cig?

Hid cigarettes on a camping trip from others so you'd have enough for yourself?

I have, I'm an addict!!!!

Kristin
I have been quit for 1 Week, 3 Days, 11 hours, 50 minutes and 4 seconds (10 days). I have saved $52.46 by not smoking 262 cigarettes. I have saved 21 hours and 50 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 5/1/2006 12:00 AM

#194 | 21 May 2006 | Bonniequit

Have you ever...

Smoked until one hour before giving birth, having your husband walk you from maternity to emergency (smoking area in the bad old days) and stopping to lean against the wall if a contraction hit in between places?

I have. I'm an addict....

Made your final choice when purchasing a home on the basis that the house you chose was located two doors away from a 24 hour gas station that sells cigarettes?

I have. I'm an addict...

Thrown a butt out the open car window on a highway, gone into a store five minutes later and had a sales clerk point out that your purse was on fire?

I have. I'm an addict...

And I've done many, many more things which embarass, shame or astound me when I think about it from the saner perspective of a recovering addict.

Bonnie
Happily nicotine free for Two weeks, six days, 10 hours, 29 minutes and 37 seconds. A grand total of 470 nicotine sticks not ingested, saving $159.82 of my hard-earned money. Life saved: 1 day, 15 hours, 10 minutes.

#195 | 21 May 2006 | chel

Have you ever lost your driving license because you drove to the petrol station for cigarettes when you were drunk
I have I am an addict
Have you ever smoked while breast feeding
I have I am an addict
Have you ever put a butt on a pin to smoke it
I have I am an addict
Have you ever ripped off a patch to smoke a cigarette
I have I am an addict
I am an addict
I have been quit for 2 Months, 1 Week, 1 Day, 3 hours, 3 minutes and 4 seconds (69 days). I have saved £179.73 by not smoking 691 cigarettes. I have saved 2 Days, 9 hours and 35 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 13/03/2006 06:00

#196 | 21 May 2006 | 4Taylor

Have you ever raided your childs piggy-bank for cigs?
I have, I'm an addict.

Have you ever blown off a family get together so you wouldn't have to go through withdrawals?
I have, I'm an addict.

Have you ever rolled the loose tobacco at the bottom of your purse?
I have, I'm an addict.

Have you ever smoked a cigarette in the parking lot of the funeral of your Mom's best friend who just died from lung cancer?
I have, I'm an addict.

Oh, it gets worse. But you get the idea.

Kristin
3 Weeks and some days

#197 | 27 May 2006 | suzysuzysuzy1

Have you ever:

Begged the pizza guy to bring you cigarettes at two in the morning?

Smoked butts out of the garbage while your best friend is having an asthma attack on your front porch because your house is so full of smoke?

I have. I'm an addict.

#198 | 1 June 2006 | gecko997

Have you ever:

Asked your mum if you could help her take the tin around to collect for Cancer Research so you could syphon off some of the cash to buy cigarettes?

I have, I'm an addict.

Been babysitting for your 4 month old niece and popped outside the front door for a smoke and had the door bang shut so you had to squeeze in through the downstairs cloakroom window, bruising both hips and ending up with one foot in the toilet, just so you could get back to the abandoned baby?

I have, I'm an addict.

Nic

I have been quit for 1 Week, 6 Days, 23 hours, 19 minutes and 56 seconds (13 days). I have saved $163.46 by not smoking 419 cigarettes. I have saved 1 Day, 10 hours and 55 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 18/05/2006 9:55 AM

#199 | 23 June 2006 | MomTo5Girls

Have you ever gotten a call from your doctor saying you have a collapsed lung and need to get to the ER to be admitted? And then smoke like a fiend (probably 7 or 8 cigs) during the 1.5 hour drive because you know they won't allow you out to smoke after you've gotten there? How stupid is that? Already have a serious lung problem, let's add some chemicals and nicotine to it! ::smacking self in forehead.:: I have because I'm an addict.

I won't be doing these foolish things anymore because...

Kimm - Free and Healing for Nine Days, 5 Hours and 32 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 11 Hours, by avoiding the use of 138 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $38.09.

#200 | 12 Aug 2006 | John (Gold)

Have you ever rushed to judgement when the decision was rather important, so that you could get out of the room and get your fix?
Depriving jurors their nicotine fix hurts justice

Friday, August 11, 2006
ANN FISHER - The Columbus Dispatch - Ohio, USA

Any former hard-core smoker can still feel the filter tip pressed between his lips, the burn of toxins in her throat and that ironic sense of clarity as the nicotine reaches the bloodstream and heads north to the brain.

Twenty years later, I sometimes still dream about smoking, then awaken with a dull dread that fades quickly but not before reminding me that I remain an addict.

So it's easy to muster some sympathy for the folks forced by local indoor-smoking bans to huddle outside for a quick puff. And anyone who's suffered nicotine withdrawal can relate to the plight of the Licking County juror forbidden to smoke anywhere until after reaching a verdict.

In an appeal this week before the Ohio Supreme Court, defense attorneys for a man convicted of murder in Licking County argued that addiction-addled jurors might have rushed to judgment in the case.

Just the thought of missing a fix brings on what I like to call a "nicky fit" in some smokers. And if you've never known the torment of that state, at least join me in concern for the defendant and plaintiff. A person's future and the integrity of our justice system shouldn't rely on any group that includes one or more persons going through nicotine withdrawal.

An all-out ban on jury smoking is an awkward way to make a statement about the dangers of cigarettes. If the concern is one of security in the case of a sequestered jury, certainly a guard or bailiff could be spared to baby-sit while the addict lights one up outside.

Despite the volumes of case law on the dangers of smoking and secondhand smoke, able Dispatch researcher Amy Disch found little reference anywhere to nicotine-addicted jurors.

In 1985, a Florida judge ruled that a defendant in a drug case could have a fair trail even though a new law at the time denied jurors cigarettes in the jury room. The Houston Chronicle article didn't mention whether the jurors were allowed smoke breaks elsewhere, but did refer to the withdrawal symptoms as "nicotine fits."

In 1993, while Covington, La., officials considered a smoking ban in public buildings, including the Parish Courthouse, a juror suggested they consider how the ban would affect a jury deliberating a case, according to The Times-Picayune in New Orleans. "I would hate to have a case decided because someone's having a nicotine fit," said the juror, who also was a lawyer.

In 1999, two judges warned that a total smoking ban in the Vanderburgh County, Ind., government buildings would inspire some jurors to "reach a verdict based solely on their desire to leave the courthouse and smoke a cigarette," reported the Evansville Courier & Press.

Despite the dearth of scholarly material on how a juror's nicky fit could affect the outcomes of cases, the science is extensive on nicotine's effects.

The American Heart Association on its Web site says that nicotine causes changes in the brain that make people want to use the substance more and more, and that it's one of the hardest addictions to break. Withdrawal symptoms include irritability, impatience, hostility, anxiety, a depressed mood, difficulty concentrating and restlessness.

That would be a classic nicky fit, if I remember correctly. Those symptoms also make up a good checklist of what you don't want in a juror, and in many other situations.

It's a good bet that most folks wouldn't want a person in the throes of a nicky fit to judge a pie contest at the county fair, let alone a sensitive personalinjury case, or the fate of a human being.
©2006 The Columbus Dispatch - Ohio, USA

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