Desperate Addict's Parade: Page 3
If desperate, might a cigarette atop a public urinal look tempting?
As shared by OBob on Page 1, key to a lasting recovery is understanding and accepting who we were, REAL drug addicts in every sense. Brain scan studies teach us that just one puff and up to 50 percent of our brain's dopamine pathway receptors become occupied by nicotine. While most walk away from trying to cheat feeling like they've gotten away with it, it isn't long before they find their brain wanting, plotting to obtain or even begging for more. Far from some "nasty little habit," nicotine dependency is as real and permanent as alcoholism. Just one puff and it's back behind bars.
As you read these pages, ask yourself, am I a real drug addict? When ready, email us and share/add your own "Have you ever ..." experience:
Here's my "Have you ever ... I have. I'm an addict" moment
#51 | 11 Feb 2003 | Trew Silver
Have you ever...smoked night after night in your brand-new car, that you and your fiance just bought and promised each other you would not smoke in but you did it anyway, after he was admitted to the hospital after having 2 TIAs (mini strokes), knowing that he is a 30-year smoker and knowing that his doctors have told him since admitting him that he must quit smoking now and suspecting that his problems are hypertension and smoking-related? Duh-HUH....I have. I am an addict.
Tracy
I have been Quit for: 3W 1D 20h 45m 3s.
#52 | 12 Feb 2003 | Parker GOLD
Speaking of cars............
Have you ever tossed a cigarette out the window of your car only to have it blow back in the back window which was cracked...except you didn't notice and went on in to your meeting and came back out a couple of hours later to discover it had burned a hole the size of a dinner plate in your back seat? Have you ever done that and paid lots of money to replace the seat and berated yourself and been so ashamed you never told anyone but your husband...but you kept on smoking anyway? I have. I'm an addict.
(And now I've told all of you, too.)
Parker - 8 months of not smoking in my car or anywhere else for that matter!
#53 | 12 Feb 2003 | David Gold
Have you ever made an excuse to leave the basement where the rest of the family is huddled during a tornado warning so you could sneak a cigarette? I have because I'm an addict.
David
7 months +
#54 | 12 Feb 2003 | IrishLotus GOLD
(Inspired by Parker's awry window toss)
Have you ever tossed a cigarette butt out the window of your car, only to have it come back in the driver's side window, and go down into the back of your pants and you nearly get in an accident, skipping across lanes on I-95 trying to keep yourself from catching on fire?
I have, because I am an addict.
Man...maybe I shouldn't have shared that one 
(How embarrassing to almost set your butt on fire with a butt, huh?). Well, I know THAT will never happen again, because now
I AM FREE!
Lotus
HEALING 4+ Months
#55 | Photo | John (Gold)
Trying to catch the car on fire ...
been there, done that.
Thank God we're all okay.
It could have been worse.
#56 | 13 Feb 2003 | Toast (GOLD )
Heya MK,
I dropped one between my legs on hot summer day, driving down the parkway. How elegant I must've looked trying to get the lit butt away from my short-clad thighs, etc., while trying not to wreck!
Another time I threw a butt out the window and it blew back, but I didn't notice - til the quilt in the back caught fire! That was a handmade, cotton-filled quilt my great grandmother had made. Was is the word.
Alas.
So don't feel alone in your embarrassment! Luckily, we aren't compelled to put ourselves in those positions anymore.
Melissa
20 months
#57 | 26 Feb 2003 | MsArmstrongKIS
Have you ever borrowed your parents' car for a semester while you were student teaching, and they promised you could have it for your last semester at college AS LONG AS YOU DIDN'T SMOKE IN IT, which you DID, of course, because student teaching is stressful and blah blah blah, so now you are flipping burgers for minimum wage instead of substitute teaching for $125/day. . .because your parents meant what they said and took the car away?
I have. I'm an addict.
By the way, I'm absolutely furious with my parents for doing this to me, but something tells me I'm going to be intensely grateful for it later on. For all of you with teens who smoke, make it hard on them!! I'm probably lucky to have parents who are favoring this tough love approach. . .because without it I don't think I'd have quit at all, not even with the help of Freedom.
Alex
1 week three days 22 hours 38 seconds
#58 | 26 Feb 2003 | sharonah silver
Hello,
My name is Sharon and I am a nicotine addict.
I have done 99% of things listed here, maybe more. What shames me most is leaving the hospital bedside of a loved one because my addiction was more important. My loved one, also a smoker, and on a respirator in a room just behind the nurses station in ICU, would beg me for just one puff. We had once had a conversation about how his father begged for a smoke on his hospital deathbed and no-one would give him one. He wanted to make me promise that I would never do that to him. I think I made that promise, but when it came right down to it, I could not keep it. My loved one did not survive, and I still live with the guilt of what I did. And it has been almost 20 years.
Nicotine free for 1 month 4 days 1 hour 57 minutes and ever counting up
420 stinky smelly cigs NOT smoked
$79.99 NOT in big tobaccos pocket
1 day 11 hours of my life saved ~~ PRICELESS
#59 | 26 Feb 2003 | BikenutGOLD
YEp, I have done it all. because I am an addict!. I have burnt myself, burnt my car, gone out in a blizzard so bad I walked 4 miles to by some smokes, because the roads were too bad to drive. I have driven many miles late at night becasue the nearest 24-hour mart was a long way, 20miles or so. I have also sorted through ashtrys and rerolled some old rank tobaco to get my fix.
And they say nicotine is a choice, and not an addiction. I know better because I am an addict!
No More!!!
---
1w 4d 4:38 smoke-free, 564 cigs not smoked, $126.90 saved, 1d 23:00 life saved
#60 | 26 Feb 2003 | Laureysgold3
Ok, here's mine
...
Have you ever had your water break (ok, guys excluded), and gone out for a smoke before calling the doctor, then gone out to smoke again before waking your husband, then smoking again before leaving for the hospital, and then being surprised when you started bleeding uncontrollably (placenta abruption is directly related to smoking) during labor which led to an emergency c-section...only to smoke the moment you got out of the car upon arriving at home?
I have, I'm an addict.
Laurey
3months, 3days, 23hours,8mins.,40sec. clean.
2878 cigarettes not smoked, money saved, $604, life is now longer by 2weeks, 5days, 23hours, 49mins.,31sec.
#61 | 27 Feb 2003 | 66skylark
Have you ever turned down the trip of a lifetime? I turned down 2 trips to Majorca, Spain and one to Germany (all paid for) because I couldn't stand the thought of the long flight without a smoke. Now the chance is gone! I did because I am an addict.
Two months, three days, 4 hours, 3 minutes and 34 seconds. 2606 cigarettes not smoked, saving $586.52. Life saved: 1 week, 2 days, 1 hour, 10 minutes.
Judi
#62 | 27 Feb 2003 | Free4ever (Silver)
Have you ever snapped your cigarettes in half and put them in the bin - determined never to smoke again - only to rut them out of the bin two hours later and stick a one back together again with tape.... I HAVE BECAUSE I'M AN ADDICT. I also have to say that it tasted really weird (never having smoked plastic before) and gave me a really bad head ache. 
Thank goodness those days are long gone.
YQS
Free4ever
I have been nicotine free for 3M 4D 17m 49s
#63 | 6 Mar 2003 | LornaMc5
Hi Woggy!
Welcome to the site! Good to have ya here posting & showing your "colors" so to speak... There are a few other bikers here. My Green brother, Tubes, rides. So do I.
I'll tell ya one thing - I sure won't miss HAVING to pull up just to smoke.
Or have you ever gone ahead and smoked while still riding, and had the cherry from the cigarette go under your shades and into your eye!! Ouch!
I've been there because I'm a nicotine addict...
Biking is better when you don't smoke!
Your quit sis,
LornaMc
1 month 2 days 13 hours 27 minutes... (wow!)
#64 | 6 Mar 2003 | miket
I totally agree with that one. I always hated riding and smoking or having to stop and smoke. If you had anyone riding with you there was always a danger of the fire or ash flying back and hitting them in the face.
Mike has not smoked in Three weeks, one day, 23 hours, 8 minutes and 8 seconds. 1033 cigarettes not smoked, saving $142.09. Life saved: 3 days, 14 hours, 5 minutes.
#65 | 28 Apr 2003 | StepperM
This parade is priceless. I'm sure us newbies can add a few. Good one OBob!!
Have you ever stole a cigarette from your sister during a previously attempted quit. Stole it because you were to ashamed to admit you just had to have one. I apologized to my sister a few weeks ago for doing this a few years ago. I always did feel horrible for doing it. I have because I'm an addict.
Freegirl 
Proud to say that I am completely nicotine free for 3 weeks and 12 hours!!!
#66 | 28 Apr 2003 | Carleneexpat10089
I'm a nicotine addict, big time.
I've driven in the middle of the night, during an ice storm, in a car without chains or snow tires, searching for an hour for ANY place open that sold cigarettes. When it was obvious that even the bars were closed, I actually drove to a friends house, woke them up and asked to buy some of theirs. Now this is 3am by now, fridged cold storm, dark, and I've NO excuses like, drinking too much... stone cold sober, but no embarrassment too great... NOTHING could be worse than being without nicotine until morning when the stores reopened.
ADD numerous trash digging butts, culling the longest ones from ash trays at parties, going out in middle of night to check the car ash trays... I've used the hair dryer to dry out those from trash that were wet with 'something', and smoke them as soon as dry enough...
I AM A NICOTINE JUNKIE/ADDICT
Carlene - 3 weeks, 6 days, 21 hours and 1394 NOT smoked
#67 | 28 Apr 2003 | smokefreeJD Gold
How many times have I lit the wrong end only to cut off the burned up filter and smoke what was left... ignoring how nauseous I now felt.
I remember I used to use a soda can with a little water in it for an ashtray. My reasoning at the time was that I didn't have to empty it as much, I couldn't see the mess inside, and as long as there was dampness inside I only had to drop in the lit butt and I wouldn't have to smash them out and ruin my nails anymore. Until the time I knocked over that can... or until the time a friend wasn't paying attention to what he was doing and took a sip out of the WRONG can!!!
Jill
Kicking Butt for 6 Months 3 Weeks 3 Days.
#68 | 29 Apr 2003 | ROY Gold
Have you ever run out of cigarettes and been in a situation where you could not go get any because your car was in the shop and everyone else was asleep, so to feed the nicotine urge you went through the ashtrays and tore off the filters of used cigarettes(some were yours and some were not) and took a drag off of each used cigarette? I have. I'm an addict.
Roy
1 week, 4 days, 22 hours smoke free!
#69 | 29 Apr 2003 | GeorgieGirl GOLD
Okay ... time for me to add to this thread - totally overdue I know!
Well .... I have done the frantic search through the ashtray for butts as well ... I have gone to the shops with money from a friend when I was younger to buy her favourite magazine as she loved to do the crossword in it. I would steal the crossword page and use the money to buy cigarettes .... I have been driving my car in peak traffic, smoke in hand, mobile rings - answer mobile only to keep trying to drive and smoke at the same time (oh and making some excuse so I could get off the phone rather than put out my cigarette that was putting ash all over me and my car or watch my driving!). I have preferred to get my "fix" rather than help my partner or a friend oir family member in trouble .....
Yes ... I HAVE done these things (and more ...). I AM AN ADDICT.
Georgia
#70 | 30 Apr 2003 | TXCorndog
Have you ever . . .
Dropped a lit cigarette down the front of your overalls, go "whoop whoop whoop" and do a little "I'm on fire" dance, finally shake the cig out the bottom of the pants leg, and pick it up and finish smoking it before you treat the burns (some in some very tender areas)?
I have, because I AM AN ADDICT.
Karen
In my 19th day of my quit.
#71 | 30 Apr 2003 | Shinelady Gold3282003
On the 2nd day after I quit smoking I took a full pack of unopened cigarettes and threw them away in the kitchen trash. Hours later, I was having a strong crave and I dug through the trash, wiped off gravy and coffee grounds etc. off the pack and set the pack aside to look at. Just couldn't stand the thought of not a cigarette in the house. I let that pack sit uopened on my computer table for 2 more days and I gathered some intestional fortitude and threw those bad boys away.. LOL ..
Yes I did that , would you? I did, I'm an addict.....
yqs, sue
One month, 23 hours, 0 minutes and 25 seconds. 1278 cigarettes not smoked, saving $184.48. Life saved: 4 days, 10 hours, 30 minutes.
#72 | 30 Apr 2003 | Sal GOLD
Have I ever done at least half of what everyone else has admitted here? Who, me? Isn't smoking just a nasty little habit? A nasty little habit wouldn't cause people to do all of that irrational, crazy stuff...would it?!! Hmmmmmmphhhh.
I suppose that all of that behavior could only be attributed to addicts.
Nicotine the big secret drug addiction...
Yes, I am an addict. Have been nicotine free for over three months and haven't done anything crazy since I became a member of Freedom 
!
Sal
#73 | 30 Apr 2003 | KarenBoBaren
This happened about a year ago when my son was 3. I may win the "Bad Mother Award" for this one: I was on the back deck and quite frustrated that I couldn't light my cigarette for the wind. I called my son to the back deck and told him to get the BBQ lighter out of the drawer (it's extremely childproof) and pass it to Mommy. While he fished for it, I turned to put the BBQ cover on the BBQ, and turned back to watch my son (lighter in hand) open the screen door and let out our new puppy by accident (who ran away and I had to fetch her - quick). I freaked. I have never talked to my son this way before or since, but I was having a nic fit and growled at my little boy, "I'm going to let your doggy run away, you did this!" To this day, I'm ashamed of that horrible behaviour. He cried so hard, I thought his heart was going to break.
I held him on the back deck after realizing what I had said, but I was too stupid to recognize where the words had come from - my nic fit. I turned my head away from my son to light the smoke, had my cigarette and went after the dog after a few puffs. How pathetic.
Karen
I have been smoke free for One month, 41 minutes and 4 seconds!
I have NOT smoked 540 sickarettes, saving a whopping $172.91!
Precious life saved: 1 day, 21 hours, 0 minutes.
#74 | 15 May 2003 | tyger92000gold
Have you ever .... ? Yep, almost all of them (my favorite is checking public ashtrays for half-finished butts). Can't believe I would do this? (The shame of it if someone should see me). Well, I did, because I am an addict.
One month, one week, two days, 16 hours, 1 minute and 23 seconds. 793 cigarettes not smoked, saving $148.75. Life saved: 2 days, 18 hours, 5 minutes.
#75 | 11 June 2003 | OBob Gold
Have you ever allowed your wife to swear a solemn oath (on something important to her) to your mother that you don't smoke, knowing full well that you do, just to keep your dirty little secret, secret?
I have. I am an addict.
...but a free one now,
Bob (17 months free)
Knowledge is a Quitting Method
