Desperate Addict's Parade: Page 4
If desperate, might a cigarette atop a public urinal look tempting?
As insightful today as it was then, as shared on Page 1, this cold turkey support group parade was started by OBob at Freedom in 2002. OBob reminds us that vital to successful recovery is understanding that this isn't some "nasty little habit" but real drug addiction. Believing otherwise keeps us vulnerable to the illusion that we can learn to control use and become a social user. We can't. The purpose of this thread is to help us better understand who we became and who we are, real drug addicts in every sense.
Email us and share your "Have you ever ..." story.
Here's my "Have you ever ..." "I have. I'm an addict" experience
#76 | 11 June 2003 | LCubed(GreenX2)
I am an addict
After the blizzard of '96 with 3ft of snow on the ground I walked half way down a mountain to get to the country store to buy cigarettes and then walked back up the mountain to go home, the trip took me 3 hours to go 2 miles. I was so out of breath that I physically could not smoke when I got back in the house but I was okay because I had my cigarettes.
Yes I am an addict, free now but still an addict.
Laura
Smokefree 2 months 4 days 14 hours.
#77 | 11 June 2003 | BubblyDoodlebug Gold
Have you ever been at work and been hungry but you only have enough for either food or a pack of smokes and you buy the smokes and go hungry the whole shift? I have I am and addict Have you ever been in the hospital and they won't let you smoke and you begin to cry big crocodile tears? I have I am an addict ONE MORE Have you ever wrote a check for smokes hoping you get paid before the check comes through so you don't have to pay a $25.00 service charge @ the bank and another one at the store? I have I am an addict I have ended up paying $53.84 for one pack of smokes. Sad part is at the time it was worth it!
#78 | 11 June 2003 | John Gold
In 1987 I fractured my knee while skating and spent a week in the hospital with surgery and recovery. Although in substantial pain and under the influence of some pretty heavy drugs, I was somehow able to navigate numerous trips to the stair-well to feed what seemed like the overpowering influence for yet another drug. My name is John and I'm a comfortably recovered nicotine addict
#79 | 11 June 2003 | BubblyDoodlebug Gold
I was in a bad car accident December 21, 2001. A guy was trying to get away from the police and drove right in front of me. My car was totalled. My car smashed into this car. I was smoking at the time I was in so much pain sitting there still holding the cig. I took a drag and threw the rest out the window. Was taken to the hospital I had broken my foot and was banged up bad. They fixed me up and I was taken home. It was way below zero that night. I was using a walker because of my injuries I couldn't use crutches. I couldn't smoke at the hospital. About an hour after I got home, I hobbled up a small flight of stairs went outside to smoke a cig because no smoking is allowed in my home ever at all no excuse. I endured horrible physical pain and below zero temps holding on to my walker so I wouldn't fall over to smoke. The next day I was even in more pain and still yet I went up those stairs and outside to smoke. This is sad. I waited three days to take a shower. Why? It was too painful. I did that. I am an addict
#80 | 11 June 2003 | Grace
Have you ever?
As I write this I have big tears in my eyes and they are definately going to spill right on out. This is a thread I have not read before and for me it is the most powerful one I have read thus far. I am not sure why I am having such a reaction to it but it is one that without a doubt will be with me forever. Reading through the posts I see myself in each of them and it just breaks my heart to realize the lengths I would go in order to feed my addiction.
I think one of the worst for me is dropping a cigarette while driving down the freeway during heavy traffic and bending over to do the "scramble" to get it before it sets my carpet on fire and looking up to realize that I am about to hit a rather large semi head on. I think my angel was right there with me because the semi pulled to his right while I swerved back to my own lane just in time.(If one of you is the trucker I almost drove into I am very sorry, you will no doubt remember me.....it was really close) I swore to myself I was never going to smoke again, I got home, ran the pack of cigarettes under my kitchen sink and then dropped them in the garbage where they stayed until later that night when I was trying to figure out the best way to dry them so I could feed my addiction.
I am so happy to be here with all of you and to know that as long as I never take another puff I will never be that person I was again. Grace...........I will be green on Friday the 13 at 7:45
#81 | 11 June 2003 | Mellodeegold
Boy I'm in good company. I thought I was the only one who did those things.
I have dug for butts, burnt holes in sofa, clothes too and lied as to who did it. I also paid someone a dollar for one cigarette in a casino, because I ran out and needed that nic fix for the ride home. Just some of the things I did because I am an addict.
Recovering and doing one day at a time, soon to be green
#82 | 23 June 2003 | Snapper
Have you ever... lied to everyone you knew for over a year while you smoked "just a cigar once in a while" (at least twice a day) hiding in the woods or stopped on the side of the road.... I have... I am an addict...
Snapper
I have been quit for 2 Weeks, 2 Days, 15 hours, 10 minutes and 54 seconds (16 days). I have saved $62.36 by not smoking 415 cigarettes. I have saved 1 Day, 10 hours and 35 minutes of my life.
#83 | 23 June 2003 | Golddabler1
Have you ever raided the garbage and dried wet cigarettes dampened by baked beans on the radiator.
Have you ever smoked in bed in the dark and got up frantically searching for hot ash in the covers.
I was a secret smoker and social smoker and there are friends of mine who have smoked longer and more often but those actions above show that i am a recovering addict
Have you ever continually brushed your teeth to hide the smell
Have you ever used carpet fragrance and furniture polish and air freshener to hide your addiction from visitors.
Rickdabler 3 months 2 weeks 16hrs 40mins happily nicotine free.
#84 | 24 June 2003 | wagongirl
Have you ever been diagnosed with cancer and then gone straight outside to have a cigarette? Have you ever spent over an hour in one of your grad school lectures talking about head and neck cancer, looking at polyps on the vocal folds, only to go outside right afterwards to have a cigarette? Have you ever lied to your husband over and over again by letting him think you quit smoking months ago....only to go to the coffeeshop to feed your habit there...hoping he doesn't show up there too? And, like many others here, have you ever gone outside in the middle of a Minnesota winter when it's 20 below zero to smoke a cigarette, switching hands so one doesn't go without a mitten for too long? My favorite part about that one is that when I was doing that, a favorite classmate of mine looked at me and simply said, "You're stupid!" How right she was.
I've done each and every one of these things because I'm an addict.
Kimberly
Free from nicotine for 1 Week 4 Days 2 Hours 28 Minutes 23 Seconds! Yippee!
#85 | 4 July 2003 | Lyverbyrd
I'm sitting here shaking because I've done all these things. The only difference is from the post prior to mine; my diagnosis was diabetes.
Thank you for the recommendation to read this...I'll keep coming back. You're all so brave to say these things, I hope it rubs off on me too.
#86 | 14 Oct 2003 | nonicfrank
DURING MY WEAK AND UNEDUCATED QUITS ONLY HOURS INTO THE QUIT I WOULD LOOK FOR SOMEONE TO THROW DOWN A CIG OUTSIDE A WAWA OR ANY STORE AND GO PICK IT UP AND SMOKE IT. THEN SHORTLY AFTER GO BUY A PACK. THANK GOD I DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT ANY MORE.
---
1m 3w 3d 21:31 smoke-free, 726 cigs not smoked, $186.95 saved, 2d 12:30 life saved
NONICFRANK
#87 | 14 Oct 2003 | OBob Gold
Have you ever bummed smokes off a 16 year old... stifling the knowledge that it's wrong to contribute to a teenager's addiction by the tacit approval of sharing the fix with them. I have. I'm an addict.
But, one who's been free for over 21 months, and now serves as a better example.
Bob
#88 | 3 Nov 2003 | Shay
Have you ever been expelled from high school because you couldn't quit smoking during school? I was attending in-school suspension (I was there because I got caught smoking at school) and the urge was unbearable. I was in a PORTABLE building and went into the bathroom and smoked an entire cig in a minute or so, I remember I was so buzzed I couldn't see. Needless to say, the entire building filled with smoke and that was my last day of high school. I have since continued my education but it is amazing how poisonous my addiction has been.
Shay
16 days
#89 | 3 Nov 2003 | Debaria Silver1
Have you ever screamed at one of your kids, telling them that they couldn't possibly love you, because they wouldn't give you money to buy a pack of cigarettes? I have because I am a recovering addict. My daughter reminded me of this on Saturday, when I turned GREEN!!!
Debaria-Green1
#90 | 3 Nov 2003 | Jeff 74 Gold
I have broken up cigarettes and thrown them away. The next day I would get them out of the trash and tape them together and smoke them. I done this more times than I remember.
I have stopped at rest areas on the way to work, an hour commute, to smoke. That kept my car from smelling like smoke, it also allowed me to continue to smoke when my girlfriend thought I quit.
I have smoked in my garage so much that the outside of my car smelled like smoke. I went to a friends house and parked in the garage because I was spending the night. In the morning the whole garage smelled like smoke from the outside of my car. That was after a 30 minute drive.
I have rinsed my mouth, hair, and hands with vineagar to get rid of the tobacco odor. It works wonders, but the smell is still in your lungs. I have kissed several nonsmokers before and was pleasantly surprised that they did not know I smoked. However, a few hours later they are wondering why their mouth tastes like tobacco. I don't understand it but it is true. They couldn't figure it out because I was a closet smoker and I would go the whole evening without smoking.
#91 | 4 Nov 2003 | SilverLinz1
Before I went back to school last year, I lived for 9 months in a loft with 3 other broke bummy wannabe bohemian types. 3 of us were smokers, and for a few months, all unemployed smokers. During one fine December cold snap (-20 C, 3 feet of snow on the ground), having spent literally our last penny, we loaded up a shopping cart full of empty beer bottles from a big party, carried it down a flight of steep stairs and pushed it 4 blocks through inches of snow and ice. We got about $10 dollars for our trouble. We had had no food and no smokes all day. As you can imagine, we didn't spend our $10 on groceries. (Though we used the $3 left over from the pack of smokes to buy 2 slices of pizza). You see, we were addicts and couldn't think about getting food until we had taken care of our bigger need...the need for a fix. It is with this same motley crew that I first learned the trick of collecting butts from an ashtray, opening them and rolling a cigarette with any disgusting, burnt scraps of tobacco we could scape off. (This also only worked after we'd visitors or a party, because we all smoked our cigs down to the filter.) What is shocking now is not that this happened--we were addicts--but that it ever seemed normal.
Linz - Free and Healing for One Month, Seventeen Days, 17 Hours and 37 Minutes, extending my life expectancy 1 Day and 15 Hours, by not smoking 477 nicotine delivery devices and saving $153.05.
#92 | 4 Nov 2003 | CKAgger Gold
Hi Linz,
yes, rolling cigarettes with butts from ashtrays and smoking them just to get the nicotine (any nicotine) to get rid of the cravings ...
I nearly forgot ever having done that - congratulations for having quit
Thank God I quit ...
Carsten
--
I have been quit for 3 Months, 2 Weeks, 2 Days, 21 hours and 47 minutes (108 days). I have saved kr 5.554,28 by not smoking 3.267 cigarettes. I have saved 1 Week, 4 Days, 8 hours and 15 minutes of my life.
#93 | 6 Dec 2003 | Eeyore6083
Have you ever smoked a cigarette at a restaurant at the birthday party of the girl you used to babysit knowing she looked to you as an example? I have, because I'm an addict.
Have you ever let smoking destroy your college career as an athlete? I have, because I'm an addict?
This is a great exercise. I have to think of more.
Thanks,
Jane
#94 | 6 Dec 2003 | DlunyGOLD
Have you ever "asked for the short" from someone you hardly know (the short being the part that he doesn't smoke)? I did this about 3 or 4 years ago when I was in a situation when I was homeless for several weeks because I am an addict!
Have you ever found yourself in a strange city with 6 cigarettes and $10 to your name with no food and no money for 2 days and spent a goodly portion of your remaining money on a pack of smokes? I have because I am an addict!
Have you ever picked up unsmoked cigarettes from the ground/parking lot/street, brushed them off and smoked them? I have because I am an addict!
Have you ever walked up to perfect strangers on the street and bummed a cigarette? I have because I am an addict!
And there are many other examples of my addictive behavior I could name but all I can say tonight is THANK YOU GOD for showing me a BETTER WAY!!!!
Thanks for bringing this thread back to the top. While I am not proud of any othe examples I gave or did not give, today I know that I have a recovery plan that says that I will not smoke today.
yqb, David Four weeks, 11 hours, 26 minutes and 3 seconds. 512 cigarettes not smoked, saving $38.44. Life saved: 1 day, 18 hours, 40 minutes.
#95 | 6 Dec 2003 | davesaddiction2003
Have you ever quit smoking one night by throwing your tobacco in the kitchen waste bin............and started again the next morning by "recovering" that same tobacco from the bin.......I have......I'm an addict!!!!
DAVID - Free and Healing for One Month, Five Days, 1 Hour and 35 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 3 Days and 15 Hours, by avoiding the use of 1052 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me £79.01.
#96 | 6 Dec 2003 | OBob Gold
Yes, I have. I've "quit" by throwing them into the middle of a busy street, on the roof, in the bin, in the hedge, in the hedge at the gym, on the neighbor's roof.... and I've returned to each place to reclaim my "junk" and get it in as quickly as I could put match to partially damaged (half-crushed, water-damaged, snail/slug-damaged) ciggie. I've done that 'cause I'm an addict. Blows my mind sometimes
... but there it is, crystal-clear evidence that I'm 100% addict, and as such, that I'm one puff away from returning to my subserviance to that addiction.
As for the name, you'd laugh harder if you knew the history behind it... but I'll keep that to myself. 
Bob (23 months free)
#97 | 8 Dec 2003 | libertyetv
Have you ever given birth to a baby, got dressed later on that night and walked to the store a block from the hospital because you were out of smokes? I have, I'm an addict.
#98 | 5 Jan 2004 | GreenSolveg
Have you ever.....
--Smoked two cigarettes at the same time, like walrus tusks, because you knew it was the only time during the day at youth group that you'd be able to get away from the chaperones?
--Dragged yourself outside your parents' house to smoke in below-freezing weather even though you had a 102 degree fever and the flu?
--Hung around the front of the store asking every stranger that walked by to buy you a pack of smokes because you were too young to buy them yourself?
--Smoked a butt you found on the ground?
--Taken "a quick walk just for a little fresh air" in the middle of birthday parties, celebrations, family events, etc., because you were unable to enjoy the festivities for even an hour or two without sneaking out for a smoke?
I have, have, have. Because i'm an addict.
(Feels good to get that off my chest.)
#99 | 8 Jan 2004 | FoolproofGreenElliemae
Have you ever written a bad check so you could have cigarettes, knowing you were putting your credibility on the line and that you would "pay" 3 times as much as you should for them due to the overdraft fees?
I have because I am an addict.
Linda
I have been completely nicotine free for 1 Week 10 Hours 36 Minutes 46 Seconds. My breath is sweet, my hands smell good, and I am free! I now have 2 Days 1 Hr 36 Mins 52 Secs extra to live as I choose and I am $74.42 to the good.
#100 | 5 Feb 2004 | Roger (Gold)
Prior to this quit I have tried everything known to man or offered by them to quit. About the only thing I hadn't tried is to sew my lips shut and super glue small sized screens to the bottom of my nasal passeges to prevent me from using my mouth & nose to smoke. The other day a thread popped up and a member was asking about hypnotism. I did try that method of malarkey once. It happened like this..........
I enrolled in this session at a cost around $50.00 US. I never counted just how many signed up but there was a bunch of nervous addcits there. Just prior to the magic moment, we were asked to go outside and puff a couple for the very last time. Since we had been there close to an hour listening to the guru explain the whole show to us, there wasn't one of us who wasn't exhibiting outward signs of withdrawal. As we file back in, one at a time, there was a trash can there and we were asked to place our packs of cigarettes in the trash can because we would not need them anymore. Now, to an addict, this was like spilling out a canteen of water in the middle of the desert at noon. Besides, all addicts know there is no such thing quitting with a full pack or a whole carton. We planned better than that. We were conservative junkies.
So this guy proceeded to put his magic spell on The group I could tell right off the bat this wasn't going ot work for me and I would be collecting my fifty dollar bill back as I filed out when the show was over. When he was finished he asked how we felt. I raised my hand and asked for my money back because of the 100% guarantee I would stop smoking. He argued a bit with me until I went to the trash can and retrieved my pack and promptly ignited 3 of the little devils and smoked them right there. He had no argument and refunded my money. I thanked him for being a man committed to his word, shook his hand and bent over and grabbed the plastic liner from the trash can! I through the plactic liner filled with cig packs over my shoulder and walked out the door like Santa Claus carrying his toy bag. I was followed by a half dozen or so hypnotized addicts wanting their partially empty packs back from the trash bag.
Oh Yes, this actually happened because I am an addict!
Roger
2 + Years
Knowledge is a Quitting Method
